Stress has gone down by almost every historical measure. Suffering has gone up. Those turn out to be different things.

In this episode, attachment expert Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Kheriaty to ask why despair is rising in a culture organized around comfort, what the attempt to eliminate all discomfort has cost, and what ordinary people can do for someone struggling. The conversation covers the research on loneliness and risk, why intervention works more often than people assume, and why small acts of attention matter more than they look like they should.

If you’re struggling, please reach out. In the US and Canada, call or text 988. In the UK and Ireland, call 116 123. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists services by country.

Private Coaching, Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/16iwyk

📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/16iwyk

In this episode you will learn:

1- Why reduced external stress has not produced reduced suffering 2- What deaths of despair are, and what has happened to the numbers since 1999 3- Why solitude and loneliness are not the same thing 4- The three reasons religious practice shows up as protective in the research 5- What people who survived a crisis later said about it 6- Why hopelessness predicts risk better than severity of illness does 7- Why more clinicians alone cannot solve a problem rooted in isolation 8- The paradox: how trying to eliminate all discomfort produces more suffering 9- Why addiction is that paradox in its clearest form 10- How joy and suffering can occupy the same moment 11- Three concrete things to do, and a gratitude practice with unusually strong evidence behind it

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center

Connect with me on your second preferred platform:

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam

He was CIO at Dell managing a billion and a half dollar budget. And he could not tell if he was valued more than the piece of furniture he was sitting in. Most people are living with that same feeling without knowing what it is.

Adam Lane Smith sits down with John R. Miles, author of The Mattering Effect, to break down why the question “do I even matter?” is driving a global crisis and what it takes to build a life where your presence is felt rather than performed.

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/22

What you will learn in this video:

1- Why loneliness burnout and depression are not separate problems but symptoms of the same root cause 2- Why mattering is social immunity and what happens when it disappears 3- Why insecure attachment trains people to believe they are only worth what they produce 4- The four stepping stones from internal worth to impact and why most people never get past the first 5- Why belonging and mattering are completely different and why confusing them keeps people stuck 6- What it means to build a life where your presence changes the room

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/20

Connect with me on your second preferred platform:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/

John R Miles Socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/john_r_miles/ , Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnrmiles.c0m , https://x.com/John_RMiles , LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/ , Website: https://johnrmhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmileshumanperformanceexpert/iles.com/

She had 7000 comments on a single matchmaking post. Thirty of those people are now married. Six babies have been born. And it all started because she asked one question: what if I just tried to help?

Adam Lane Smith sits down with Emily and Daniel Hussem, co-founders of Sacred Spark, a Catholic dating app, to break down why finding a spouse has never been harder, what the collapse of friend and family networks has done to an entire generation of people who desperately want marriage, and what is actually working to bring good people together.

🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=10/8iwyk

📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=10/8iwyk

In this episode you will learn: 1- How couples used to meet, and what replaced it 2- Why friends have stopped introducing each other, and what that costs 3- What thirty marriages from a single matchmaking post says about unmet demand 4- Why a dating app's business model works against the outcome its users want 5- The difference between being ready to date and wanting to be 6- Why so many faith communities make marriage sound like an endurance test 7- What the research actually says about married life, and where the stereotypes come from 8- A hundred years of family networks breaking down, traced decade by decade 9- What leading and being led looks like in a marriage where both people are secure 10- Why brotherhood and sisterhood take pressure off a marriage rather than competing with it 11- Red flags compared with personal triggers, and the only way to tell them apart 12- Why "I don't feel a spark" after four months is usually about something else

Emily Wilson Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Emily Wilson Hussem is an internationally recognized Catholic speaker and author who shares her faith both online and at events around the globe. Emily has written 7 books, including the #1 Christian bestseller Sincerely, Stoneheart: Unmask the Enemy's Lies, Find the Truth That Sets You Free. Daniel Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Daniel Hussem is a husband, father of three, and a passionate Catholic with over a decade of experience in marketing, product strategy, and technology from the tech-startup world. Daniel holds a Master's degree in Business & Economics from Tilburg University in the Netherlands.

Connect with me on your second preferred platform:

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 𝕏: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam

Links: https://www.youtube.com/@emwilss https://www.instagram.com/emwilss https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielhussem/?isSelfProfile=false