If you’ve spent more than five minutes on TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram, you’ve seen it everywhere: “My co-parent is a narcissist.” And we get why that label feels validating. It gives your pain a name.

But here’s the problem: labels don’t carry weight in court — behavior does. And when you lead with a diagnosis you can’t prove, you risk looking reactive, emotional, or unreliable in the one place where credibility matters most.

In this episode, we’re joined by two powerhouse custody attorneys — Kristen Holstrom and Samantha McBride (the Custody Queens) — to explain what actually helps you win: specific facts, consistent documentation, strong boundaries, and a strategy that keeps you from getting pulled into emotional warfare.

1. Why calling your ex a narcissist can backfire legally and emotionally
2. The difference between traits vs. a true clinical diagnosis (and why it rarely shows up in court)
3. What judges care about most in custody cases: co-parenting and facilitating the other parent’s relationship
4. How to build a case using patterns, timelines, and evidence
5. Why social media is forever (even if you delete it)
6. How co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect you and create documentation
7. “Chess, not checkers”: how to stop reacting and start controlling your side of the street
8. Why custody evaluations can go sideways when you show up with labels instead of facts

Courts don’t decide custody based on “he’s a narcissist.” They decide based on what happened, how often, and how it impacts the children.

If you sound like you’re diagnosing your ex, you may unintentionally look like the unstable one — especially in high-stakes settings like custody evaluations.

Posting, reposting, liking, or commenting on “narcissist” content can be used against you. Even deleted posts can come back via screenshots.

Tools like OurFamilyWizard don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re building guardrails and a paper trail.

When you’re organized, strategic, and documenting the right things, you get your power back.

1. Drop the label. Keep the facts.
2. Replace “He’s a narcissist” with: “He missed 7 pickups in 30 days.”
3. Build a timeline.
4. Dates, times, missed exchanges, late pickups, medical info withheld, school info excluded.

One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.”

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind.

You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved.

1. Why divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)
2. The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-making
3. Why emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations are
4. Why emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choice
5. What “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)
6. How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan B
7. The biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)
8. Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster

If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do:

✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality

1. “That meeting went well. Okay.”
2. “That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.”
3. Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge.

✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time)

When something goes well, ask your attorney:

1. “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”
2. “What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?”

✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states

Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react.

✅ 4) Stabilize with routine

Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable.

✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react

Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system.

✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person

Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅).

✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict

Consider structured communication support

If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan.

Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace).

This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart.

1. What to do before you file for divorce
2. How to create a private email and start organizing information safely
3. The pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)
4. Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)
5. How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiral
6. How to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”
7. What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)
8. How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)
9. Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side

Do these before you file:

1. Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).
2. Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:
3. All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)
4. Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)
5. Passwords/access issues
6. Pull your credit score and document it.
7. List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).
8. Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.
9. Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).
10. Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.
11. Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).
12. Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.