How I Traced My Neuroticism Back to Its Source & Found This Abandoned Part in Me
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How I Traced My Neuroticism Back to Its Source & Found This Abandoned Part in Me
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In this unpolished, personal follow-up on neuroticism, I ask for psychological safety while sharing how a 16-year pattern of evening self-soothing—drinking, smoking weed, or overeating—led to next-day self-hatred, symptoms, and lost peace. After years of trying to break the cycle, I traced its origins past anorexia (nearly fatal at 15) to the years I had blocked out: ages 8–12, when I was frequently s*xually abused, deeply lonely, neglected, and constantly told I wasn’t enough, while my home was unsafe and my mother was cold and violent. I connect boredom and evenings to abandonment and fear, explain how hypervigilance shaped my neuroticism, and describe reconnecting through parts work with the unseen 8–12-year-old part of myself.
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