What if resilience isn’t about being tough—but about letting yourself be seen? Today we sit down with counselor and author Stacy Schaffer to explore how healing starts when we match our insides to our outsides. Stacy opens up about the pivotal moment a childhood friend asked what really happened the year she “disappeared,” and how choosing to own her story transformed her life and practice.

We dive into the difference between “strong” and resilient, especially in the shock of grief. Stacy breaks down small, doable steps to build emotional resilience: practicing honesty with safe people, asking for listening instead of advice, and noticing defensiveness as a clue to unhealed places. Drawing from two decades of clinical work, she shares what kids teach us about growth—why naming feelings early prevents years of unhealthy coping—and how simple validation can change a child’s trajectory more than any five-step plan.

We also face the hard realities today’s youth carry: lockdown drills, ubiquitous social media, and chronic anxiety that often feels rational. Stacy offers clear ways parents, teachers, and community members can be safe places, without rushing to fix. She talks about narrating her audiobook as a powerful integration practice, and why clinicians—and all of us—do better work when we do our own work. Midlife themes run throughout: setting boundaries, protecting capacity, and caring less about approval while caring more about congruence. If you’re craving practical tools and a compassionate reframe on resilience, this conversation will meet you where you are.

Subscribe, share with a friend who’s doing their own emotional work, and leave a review to help more people find the show. What’s one small truth you’re ready to say out loud this week?

Link to Stacy's website and where to buy her book HERE

Find her on Instagram and Facebook

Send us a text

Follow me on Instagram @40ishpodcast