This is the most honest thing I’ve shared about forgiveness.For a long time, I didn’t understand why killing was considered a sin.

Not from the Buddha, not from Christian theology. After recovering memories of sodomy from my perpetrator in 2022, I felt deeply justified in wanting to kill him. I even researched how. I made soul agreements with parts of me that were in agony. I thought I was bringing karmic judgment — cleanly.

And then, I met Jesus. Not the idea of him — the presence. In the depths of my agony, I felt him suffering with me. Not witnessing, but feeling it. And suddenly, I understood what it meant that he died for our sins. My pain was inside his pain. And so was my perpetrator’s.

This video is for anyone struggling with revenge, with justice, with the unbearable weight of pain that hasn’t been answered. I don’t have all the answers. But I’ve felt enough to know that Christ’s death changed the game. And his forgiveness — it includes them too.

#christianhealing #traumarecovery #forgiveness #innerhealing #jesusheals #cptsd #survivorstories

In this video, I’m exploring some tender territory around the collapse of boundaries in abuse. I’m reflecting on how hatred from strangers online has been stirring up deep old pain — and how it might connect to early experiences of boundary collapse, possibly even repressed trauma. I share honestly about the emotional waves that came up, the grief, the moments of suicidal flashes, and the practices that are helping me move through it — like crying instead of numbing, and allowing the tension to release. This isn’t a polished answer — it’s an open inquiry. If you’re navigating similar territory, know you’re not alone.

#childhoodtrauma #repressedmemories #healingfromabuse #griefandhealing #survivorstories #emotionalresilience #healingchildhoodsexualtrauma #childhoodsexualabuse #childhoodsexualtrauma #adultsurvivors #suicidalawareness

(Skip to 0:00:45 for the start, apologies for the editing gaffe.)

In this episode, Will Harris shares his journey of healing from childhood sexual abuse from his father using psychedelics.

I met Will over a year ago here in Asheville and felt a resonance in our capacity to speak openly about our similar trauma history.

In April of 2024, I did an Ayahuasca ceremony (my second one) with the intention of healing my subconscious misogyny – specifically as it relates to my mother. It was quite a wild journey. On the first night, I saw vivid imagery that flicked by quickly where I saw myself being raped by almost everyone I know and myself raping quite a few people I know. As this imagery flicked by, there was a very clear difference between what I'd call fantastical imagination and felt embodied remembering. Most of this imagery felt heady and was fantastical in my imagination and then for a few of these, I could feel the truth of it in my body. As I write this, I sit with the risk of sharing something like this so openly – I imagine people who never believed me would read this and go "oh I knew it! It was all fantasy". Those are not the people I am writing and creating content for. I have learnt that it's best to just step back from such people and it's quite futile trying to convince them. After all that imagery, I saw one that really struck with me – it was a series of men, all sodomizing each other in a chain and all the men were me.

Even as I write it out, I remember it vividly.

I share this story because it reaffirms my belief that the tide of abusive cultural systems (often referenced in a gendered manner as patriarchy, hiding the subconscious misandry that many humans carry today) changes when men who have experienced sexual abuse openly speak up about what they went through, what impact it had on their lives and how they are reconnecting with their tenderness and their strength.

I am always grateful when I am met in this desire by a man – especially when it's from the state that I am attempting to create home in.

A state that carries the powerful tagline – "First in Freedom".

North Carolina.

If you have questions on this for me or Will, feel free to comment here or email me at vighnesh1987@gmail.com. I might take a minute to respond, but I do try to respond to all inquiries.