This is the second installment in a two-part series about group chat anxiety.

If having a massive group chat text chain stresses you out, then I’m going to let you in on a secret: it’s because you CARE about your friendships. But with these chains, we’re also sometimes pouring this caring into the wrong place.

In this episode, I talk about auditing these group chats and determining what’s working and what’s draining. How can we use them, not as a primary source of connection, but as a tool to move toward connection that feels fulfilling?

With a little effort, hopefully this extra thought will mean we’re texting a little less with the intention of connecting a little more.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Looking at how your group chats are functioning: is it to update a large group of friends? Is it a smaller group? What’s the purpose of the group chat?
• Having conversations with your friends about what the group chats are for; for example, are side conversations okay? Is it okay to add new people to the chat? Etc.
• Giving yourself permission to set boundaries: you don’t have to be in every chat, you can mute or leave, and you can set response windows
• In my opinion, the wrong kind of group chat work (constantly checking, crafting perfect replies) vs. the right work (auditing chats, investing energy where it matters)

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 161 about managing friendship overload and relationship burnout.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages?

Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent.

Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operating with one arm behind your back – but if you suffer group chat anxiety, I think it’s important to remember that it’s because you really care about your friendships.

This episode is the first segment of a two-part series on anxiety surrounding group chats: today, we’re talking about why group chats can be tricky to navigate, and in the next, what you can actually do about it.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why group chats are often used to satisfy a craving for connection but often fall short of delivering real connection people want
• The richness of in-person connection (Body language! Tone! Shared moments!) vs. the flatness of texting
• Different ways group chats can cause anxiety, from the public nature of having something you said responded to or ignored to lurker guilt
• The intensity overload of group chats, plus, different studies about texting and anxiety

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots framework; Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection; Episode 127 about using data to manage your friendship mental load; Episode 131 about the spectrum of digital connection; and Episode 134 about fringe friends.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad.

In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly.

Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go about sharing this episode; I decided to release it because my friend told me these kinds of stories provide her comfort and can be hard to find.

If you're supporting someone through grief, or if you're in it yourself, I hope that this conversation gives you permission to have the hard conversations.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The power in giving our grieving friends the options of whether they want to talk about their loss or not
• How I used this episode to show up for my own grieving friends, including normalizing talking about the the child they lost, Cam, and being present through hard days
• Why we can’t maintain our friendship peaks forever, just as you can’t sustain race-day conditioning – and that’s OK
• What’s actually helpful for people grieving, from remembering anniversaries to offering concrete help (i.e., don’t ask what they need, offer a service instead)

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots Framework.

Michelle and her husband founded the Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation, which aims to improve outcomes of pregnancy, childbirth, prematurity and infancy, and help the grieving process.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!