This week, Nik and Nhi talk about the exhaustion of being a woman in a world that constantly asks women to anticipate their own harm.

Using the recent allegations involving a former Cornell student and members of the Chi Phi fraternity as a starting point, Nik and Nhi unpack consent, intoxication, victim shaming and blaming, the pressure to be the “perfect victim,” and what happens when institutions and bystanders fail the people they’re supposed to protect.

But the conversation quickly becomes bigger than one case.

They talk about the constant risk assessments women make without even realizing it; where they park, who they’re alone with, who made their drink, whether they should walk down that hallway, whether their clothes will somehow become evidence against them, whether saying no will actually be respected, and whether anyone will believe them if something does happen.

Nik and Nhi also ask what responsibility men have when the danger isn’t coming from them personally, but from another man they know. Is simply saying “I would never do that” enough? What happens when misogyny, objectification, harassment, or violence is happening right in front of someone and they choose not to intervene?

And if something different is going to exist for the next generation, the conversation has to start much earlier than sex. Consent is also about teaching children to respect “no,” recognize another person’s boundaries, keep their hands to themselves, and understand that nobody else’s body, space, or autonomy belongs to them.

This episode is angry. It’s sad. It’s personal. And mostly, Nik and Nhi are tired.

At some point, the question becomes: How much smaller do women have to make themselves before the responsibility finally stops being theirs?

CONTENT NOTE:
This episode includes discussion of sexual assault, rape, drug-facilitated assault, victim blaming, violence, and capital punishment.

EDITOR’S NOTE:
During the episode, Nik and Nhi referenced early reporting that Larry Nassar had recently been removed from Michigan’s sex offender registry. Subsequent clarification from Michigan State Police established that Nassar was never listed on Michigan’s registry and therefore was not among those removed. More than 20,000 other people were removed from the public registry following a Michigan Supreme Court ruling concerning retroactive application of the state’s registration requirements. This note is included to correct that information.

RESOURCES:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)
  Free, confidential, 24/7 support for survivors of sexual violence.
  Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
  Text: HOPE to 64673
  Chat: RAINN.org/hotline

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
  Free, confidential crisis support.
  Call or text: 988
  Chat: 988lifeline.org

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
  Support, safety planning, information, and resources for people affected by relationship abuse.
  Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
  Text: START to 88788
  Chat: TheHotline.org