Thom’s Nutshell:

Be realistic about rejection. Don’t take things personally!

Staying in equanimity, being less reactive are some primary goals of emotional sobriety. We aren’t sick, we’re stuck. Allen uses the example of a loved one failing to show up for him at a critical moment to demonstrate how dependency works. We keep authorship of our experience in our own hands by differentiating. Can we keep our center of gravity over our own two feet, regardless of what happens? Joe C. asks in the second half of the episode: what are the exceptions, the challenges to “our” reality that can do us a service? We get into dating, breakups, and the idea of “controlled” drinking.

Learn more about ICSAA, The International Conference of Secular AA, here (Phoenix event coming November 13-15):

https://www.aasecular.org/icsaa-2026

Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com

Visit our website:

www.emotionalsobriety.info

Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here:

https://rebelliondogspublishing.com

Follow us on social media:

Instagram: thomrutledge2

Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs

Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events

Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):

https://zoom.us/j/330149513

Password: 375986

For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g

Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519

We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.

We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Emotional Sobriety Theme
• (00:00:37) - Don't Let Others Edit Your Reality: The Core Concept
• (00:01:25) - Example: Partner Arriving Late to a Talk
• (00:03:19) - Keeping Authorship of Your Own Reality
• (00:04:34) - Dependence, Approval, and Feedback from Others
• (00:06:28) - Personal Struggles with Reactivity and Equanimity
• (00:07:33) - Tom's Absence and Upcoming Book Announcement
• (00:08:30) - Reality as Construct and Recovery Beliefs
• (00:10:04) - Rethinking Long-Term Sobriety and Relapse Beliefs
• (00:13:16) - Everyone's Recovery Looks Different
• (00:15:18) - Breaking Up and Not Internalizing Others' Judgments
• (00:17:32) - Evolving Relationship Values and Responsibility
• (00:19:58) - Change, Growth, and Survival
• (00:21:04) - Upcoming Secular AA Conference in Phoenix