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You probably already know what you should do in your relationship.

Listen.

Stay present.

Stop defending yourself.

Deal with what you’ve been avoiding.

Keep your promises.

Notice when your partner is reaching for you.

Make your relationship a priority.

But knowing what to do when everything is calm is not the same as being able to do it when you feel criticised, rejected, exhausted, frightened or overwhelmed.

Your partner doesn’t only experience the man you intend to be.

She also has to experience the man you become under pressure.

In this episode, I share a lesson from Judo that helped me understand why so many men struggle to respond differently when it matters.

I knew some of the techniques I could use. But under pressure, I didn’t give myself the time to see what was actually required.

I rushed in with something.

And it didn’t work.

Many men do the same thing in their relationships.

Some explain more, defend themselves harder or desperately search for the right words.

Others work longer, disappear into distractions, avoid difficult conversations and become so consumed by what is on their mind that they stop noticing their partner.

The problem isn’t always that they don’t know what to do.

Under pressure, we don’t necessarily fall back on what we know.

We fall back on our training.

In this episode, I explore:

• Why relationship advice and communication techniques can fail under pressure
• How men become defensive, controlling, absent or emotionally unavailable
• Why missing small bids for attention gradually damages connection
• The unconscious ground rules we carry from childhood into adult relationships
• How someone we love can begin to feel like an opponent or threat
• The difference between what happened and the story we created about it
• How our own beliefs and judgements can create additional pressure
• Why information alone cannot rewrite a Relationship Blueprint
• The capacities we need to develop if we want to respond differently when pressure arrives

The hopeful truth is that the man you become under pressure is not fixed.

But information isn’t enough.

You have to recognise the old Blueprint and develop new training to fall back on.

Take the free Relationship Blueprint Diagnostic

The Relationship Blueprint Diagnostic will give you clarity about the hidden patterns shaping who you become under pressure and clear direction on what needs to change.

You’ll discover where your relationship capacities are strong, where the gaps appear under pressure and what your next stage of development requires.

Take the free Relationship Blueprint Diagnostic here.

Connect with Andy

Instagram: @andyjnathan

Website: andynathan.co.uk

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