Geppetto is an autistic Italian craftsman whose quiet life and future family get obliterated by mass immigration, globalists, and industrial-scale dream theft, until a wish on a star brings a ballistic wooden son to life.

In this right-wing Pinocchio folklore retelling, Pinocchio and Jiminy Kyle dive into the belly of the whale to rescue a broken autistic man (Gepetto), and learn what it actually costs to save a dying country.

Maverick inspires Kyle in a huge way by reminding him that sometimes hope shows up wearing a cape and riding a dirt bike.

Kyle is stuck in his backwards, right-wing ideology, so Maverick lectures him on fully embracing the direction of the country.

Kyle hates blimps, which is the worst take imaginable, so this Wildcard Friday takes a hard pivot into the skies. What follows is a guided meditation of castles, smart horses, charcuterie boards, and a midair showdown with George Soros in a helicopter.

At its heart, it’s about friendship, faith, and the healing power of a good blimp ride.

Kyle tries to excuse a blackout weekend by saying he was “over-served,” but nobody's buying it.

What follows is a full-scale meltdown intervention where clown college, Swedish couples, corgis, and the Chernobyl disaster all collide into one of the sharpest accountability lessons of all time.

Kyle is emotional. And not without reason. Today we reflect on his fateful 2015 zoo internship, his failed attempt to communicate with Harambe via sign language, and the butterfly effect of not breaking him out when the world still had a chance.

What if you’re not a corporate drone, but a dinosaur who forgot how to roar?

In this Wildcard Friday, we dig deep into garbage can metaphors, Dinosaurs, and the spiritual war on masculinity (all through the lens of The Land Before Time).

Kyle looks like trash. Burnt out from too much Epstein rabbit holing and not enough friendship. So what do we do? Hop on a helicopter to a remote lighthouse with Alex Jones.