A therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) shares the parenting moment she's kept private for years — and the attachment-based shift that changed how she responds to her kids' hardest behaviors.

Michelle breaks down why difficult behavior is a signal of distress, not defiance, using Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), attachment science, and brain development research (Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Laura Markham, Hand in Hand Parenting). She shares her own story — including the moment that pushed her to stop parenting from punishment and start parenting from connection.

Topics covered: EFFT and attachment theory, "flipping the lid," co-regulation, gentle/connected parenting, and why self-compassion matters as much as any parenting technique.

Free resource: Pause + Regroup, a guided tool for reactive moments — link in show notes.

Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.

You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.

A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.

This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.

A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.

I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.

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Your grade-schooler shuts down after school. Your preteen slams their door and won't talk. It's one of the hardest moments in parenting — and one of the most misunderstood.

In this episode, Michelle sits down with Joss Goulden — a Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor and mother of two now-adult children, ages 22 and 20 — for a conversation that reframes difficult behavior entirely. Joss explains what's actually happening in a child's nervous system when they withdraw, melt down, or become defiant, and why it's never about disrespect. She shares the "wind-up toy" metaphor for how small daily stresses accumulate into meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere, walks through nine types of attachment play that help children of every age move through big feelings, and offers one of the most moving descriptions of authentic repair and apology you'll hear on this podcast.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why a child's shutdown, defiance, or meltdown is a nervous system safety signal — not a behavior problem to correct
• The two things to tend to when a child pulls away: what's happening inside the parent, and what the child actually needs
• Nine types of attachment play (from Aletha Solter's research) that help kids move through big feelings — including regression play and power reversal play
• The "wind-up toy" metaphor for how small everyday stresses accumulate into what looks like an out-of-nowhere meltdown
• Why play should come before conversation, correction, or "teachable moments" — and why kids often can't absorb language while emotionally flooded
• What genuinely meeting a child's needs for information, connection, and autonomy looks like in small everyday moments
• What an authentic apology and repair actually sound like — including a beautiful story about Joss's own teenagers and what real repair made possible in their relationship

Topics: Aware Parenting · attachment-based parenting · nervous system regulation in children · fight-flight-freeze response · attachment play · regression play · trauma-informed parenting · repair after rupture · grade-school parenting · preteen parenting · co-parenting alignment · Natural Learning · homeschooling · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT

Guest: Joss Goulden — Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor
🌐 awareparenting.com.au

🎓 Yelling to Connecting — 6-week online parenting course
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik
🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com

This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.

Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.

You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.

A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.

This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.

A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.

I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.

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When Rebecca Sheikh lost her mother, something in her shifted beyond grief. She found herself understanding, in a deeply embodied way, just how enormous separation actually feels — and how desensitized we, as adults, have become to how big that experience is for our children.

In this episode, Michelle sits down with Rebecca Sheikh — a certified Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor and regional coordinator for the UK and Sub-Saharan Africa — for a conversation that moves fluidly between deep personal vulnerability and clinically grounded parenting wisdom. Rebecca shares what her mother's death opened up in her own understanding of attachment and loss, what "loving limits" actually sound like in real family moments, why play should almost always come before correction, and her own honest admission that despite decades of training and titles, her husband and three kids remain the hardest people for her to truly listen to.

In this episode you'll learn:

• How losing her mother deepened Rebecca's understanding of attachment, separation, and grief — and what it revealed about how children experience separation from caregivers
• The three main aspects of Aware Parenting: attachment-style relationship, non-punitive discipline, and recognizing stress and trauma as root causes of behavioral and emotional struggles
• What "loving limits" means in practice, and how it differs from both permissiveness and punishment — including a real example involving a glass vase
• Why play should come before "fixing" a difficult behavior, and the framework of attachment play Rebecca uses with the families she supports
• The three most common reasons parents struggle to meet a child's needs — including Pam Leo's insight that meeting the parent's own needs should be chapter one, not chapter seven
• Why even highly trained, expert parents still struggle in real time — and why that struggle is not evidence of failure

Topics: Aware Parenting · attachment-based parenting · trauma-informed parenting · non-punitive discipline · loving limits · attachment play · separation anxiety · sleep and bedtime struggles · Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT · parent burnout · self-compassion for parents · nonviolent communication · Hand in Hand Parenting · inner child work · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · grief and parenting

Guest: Rebecca Sheikh — Certified Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor, Regional Coordinator (UK & Sub-Saharan Africa), Chair of the International Attachment Network
🌐 flourishingchildhood.com

🎓 Yelling to Connecting — 6-week online parenting course
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik
🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com

This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.

Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.

You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.

A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.

This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.

A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.

I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.

__________________________________________
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