Ryan Phillips shares his recovery from cocaine addiction with over 65,000 followers on TikTok. In this conversation, he describes the moment his cocaine use finally collapsed under the weight of truth. After days awake on coke, surrounded by smashed glass and blood, Ryan was found by his sister while his young niece waited outside. Hearing that his niece had become frightened of him became the wake-up call that ended the secrecy and forced honesty to begin. We talk openly about addiction, cocaine recovery, relapse, accountability and what happens when denial finally breaks.

Ryan is a recovery and wellness advocate and the founder of The Deep End, a community offering therapy, coaching, yoga, meditation and breathwork. With a background in the music industry, he speaks candidly about cocaine addiction, dry sniffing, ADHD, fantasy as escapism, and the slow, uneven reality of getting clean. He reflects on growing up using imagination as refuge, moving from weed to cocaine, and how addiction tightens its grip quietly rather than all at once.

We explore the myth of the dramatic turning point, the cycle of stopping and starting, and why willpower alone never worked. Ryan explains how speaking the truth out loud became the real shift, how NA, CBT and therapy each played different roles, and why sharing publicly on TikTok helps him stay clean. We also discuss whether relapse is part of recovery, why counting days and chips can sometimes do more harm than good, and how to navigate New Year’s Eve without cocaine.

This is not a story about instant change or neat endings. It is a grounded conversation about patience, responsibility and learning to live without escape. If you are questioning your relationship with drugs, wondering whether cocaine has started to control you, or trying to understand what recovery actually looks like day to day, this episode will meet you where you are.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Thank you to Gavin Sisters for sponsoring this episode! Visit -

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Podcasting is an expensive passion. To help me keep going, I'd really appreciate it if you could buy me a coffee, thank you!

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Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

3:00 A rock bottom moment

12:00 The loop of being in and out of recovery

13:45 Using fantasy as a child to escape

17:00 Moving from weed to coke

19:30 Cocaine starts to get it's claws in

21:45 Will everyone who takes coke get addicted?

25:00 ADHD & dry sniffing?

26:45 Ryan's recovery journey

32:00 NA, CBT & Therapy

34:15 Why TikTok helps Ryan stay clean

36:10 Sponsor

37:10 Does Ryan use old videos as reminders?

38:45 What do the public want from Ryan?

42:15 What is The Deep End?

46:00 Is relapse part of recovery?

48:15 Counting days & chips arent useful?!

50:00 How do you stay away from drugs on New Years Eve?

52:15 New Years Eve/Day is just another day?

54:00 Patience & gratitude

57:15 Recovery or recovered?

58:15 What do you want written on your gravestone?

Follow Ryan

Website -

https://www.wearethedeepend.com

TikTok -

https://www.tiktok.com/@ryaninrecovery

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ryan_thedeepend

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