Boundaries: Limiting Setting Necessary Ruptures Inviting Growth
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Boundaries: Limiting Setting Necessary Ruptures Inviting Growth
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Key points from Dr. Stephanie and Barb's discussion on what boundaries are and are not:
Core ideas
1. Ruptures are inevitable in relationships.
2. Not every rupture should be repaired in the same way.
3. A boundary can create a rupture without being wrong.
4. “No” is part of healthy development and maturity.
5. A boundary is about my participation, not controlling you.
6. Boundaries are not punishment.
7. Love and unlimited access are not the same thing.
8. Forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation are different things.
You can forgive someone without immediately restoring access or trust. Trust is rebuilt
through consistent behavior, and reconciliation requires movement from both people.
9. One person cannot create mutual repair.
You can tell the truth, apologize, forgive, release vengeance, and remain open to
change, but you cannot:
o repent for someone else,
o make them tell the truth,
o make them care about their impact,
o create mutual trust while they continue violating it.
10. Repair requires changed conditions, not simply good intentions.
11. Patience is not passivity; hope is not denial.
12. Sometimes stepping back is the appropriate response to rupture.
13. Being fully known includes having your “no” known.
14. Healthy attachment doesn't mean fusion/enmenshment
15. Jesus modeled love with limits.
Please look up the Being Known Podcast, Season 11 Dr. Curt Thompson does an entire series on Ruptures and Repair, and not all ruptures are repairable!
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