You found the guy. You did the vibe check. Now what? Sam and Grayson walk through the first in-person encounter with a new male partner: the nerves, the logistics, and the awkward "now what?" afterward. Grayson recounts his first planned meetup, arranged over AOL and set in an adult theater long before smartphones. Sam shares his, which began with an ATM eating his card. They cover what to negotiate beforehand (boundaries, experience level, who hosts, porn or no porn), how to prep if you're hosting, first moves, hand and oral technique, why speaking up mid-play matters, and the swallow conversation you need to have before the moment arrives. Plus: why kissing can feel more intimate than oral, and a cautionary tale about a kiss that ended a threesome before it started.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Cut / Uncut
A two-for-one you'll see constantly in men seeking men profiles. Cut means circumcised; uncut means uncircumcised. It has nothing to do with muscle definition, despite what Grayson first assumed.

Glossary

• Docking: Non-penetrative play where one partner's foreskin is drawn over the head of the other partner's penis.
• Vibe check: A low-stakes public meetup, such as a drink or a meal, before hooking up to confirm you're both comfortable.
• Hosting: Whose place the encounter happens at. The alternatives include a hotel, an adult bookstore or theater, or a car.
• Post-nut clarity: The shift in mood right after orgasm, which can range from relaxed to second-guessing everything.

Apps mentioned

• Sniffies: Map-based cruising platform for gay, bi, and bicurious men; runs in a web browser rather than an app store app
• Grindr: Location-based dating and hookup app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people

Next episode: It's mailbag time. Sam and Grayson dig into the questions, topics, and stories you've sent in.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Facebook · Instagram · Threads · X · BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky

Almost every bi man asks himself this at some point. Sam and Grayson take Kinsey scale and Klein grid quizzes (Grayson retakes his on air), then get into who actually decides. Do you need an IRL experience to count? Do fantasies make you bi or bicurious? What about the bi-cycle, being bisexual but heteroromantic, or being in a straight-passing relationship? They talk imposter syndrome in gay spaces, being told you have to "prove it," and how pop culture from Friends to Seinfeld assumes everyone is one or the other. Grayson's wife gets better at pointing out cute firefighters, and Sam previews a bi night at a bathhouse. The bottom line: there's no test to pass, and labels are a convenience, not a requirement.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week (and Resource of the Week): the Kinsey scale and the Klein grid
The Kinsey scale, from Alfred Kinsey's 1948 research, rates sexual behavior and attraction from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual), with 1 through 5 in between. There's no official Kinsey test, but you can take an unofficial Kinsey scale quiz.
The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, developed by Dr. Fritz Klein in his 1978 book The Bisexual Option, goes further: seven factors (attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle, and self-identification) rated across your past, present, and ideal future. It's a self-reflection tool, not a diagnosis.

Other terms:
Bi-cycle: the shift in how strongly you're drawn to one gender or another, week to week or even day to day. It doesn't make you less bi.
Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to a different gender, regardless of who you're sexually attracted to.
Bicurious: interested in or wondering about same-sex experiences.
Straight-passing: being read as straight by others, often because of who you're partnered with.

Watch: The Bisexual Problem, the video on bi representation in media that Grayson and Sam discuss.

Where do you land on the Kinsey scale or Klein grid? Still wondering if you're bi enough? Write in. Spoiler: the answer is yes.

Next episode: It's a mystery! And it's spooky season. Meanwhile, what's the most bisexual Halloween costume? Tell us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Toys aren't just for women, and nothing you put in your butt changes who you are. Sam and Grayson open their collections and talk through cock rings (silicone, metal, and how to size one), glans rings, masturbation sleeves, dildos, prostate massagers, and butt plugs, plus body-safe materials, flared bases, and why you should never store silicone toys touching each other. Grayson shares how his wife's years selling home-party sex toys stocked his drawer, and why his first prostate massager seemed like a waste of money until he stopped trying so hard. Sam reports back from his first spanking party. Plus: a listener's story of being blackmailed after chatting on apps, and why bi men need community.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

If you're struggling: In the US, call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential, 24/7.

Find your people: r/BisexualMen on Reddit and its support Discord (not a hookup server).

Word of the Week: P-spot — the prostate, a walnut-sized gland a few inches inside the rectum toward the front of the body. It's packed with nerve endings, can be stimulated internally or externally through the perineum, and feels good regardless of orientation.

Other terms:
Perineum: the skin between the balls and the anus, a.k.a. the taint.
Cock ring: a silicone, rubber, or metal ring worn around the base of the penis (and usually the balls) to keep blood in for firmer erections.
Glans ring: a ring worn just behind the head of the penis.
Flared base: a wide base that keeps a toy from slipping all the way inside. Non-negotiable for anything going in your butt.
Body-safe: made of non-porous materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel. Peepshow Toys' materials guide explains what to look for.
Aftercare: the care partners give each other after play, whether that's a hug, rubbing the area, or checking in.

Toys and brands mentioned: Aneros prostate massagers (the Helix, Eupho, and Progasm), Primal Rings metal cock rings, Perfect Fit Xact-Fit 3-packs for finding your cock ring size, the Njoy Pure Wand, SquarePegToys silicone plugs, and Fort Troff. Not sponsors.

What toys work for you? Tell us, especially if you just tried your first one.

Next episode: Am I bi enough? The question almost every bi man asks himself at some point. Join us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.