Helping young people with BPD is 'sexy.' Helping older adults? Not so much. That's the ageism we need to talk about.

In this episode, I'm joined by Professor Arjan Videler - Professor of Psychotherapy in Older Adults at Tilburg University, senior researcher at PersonaCura in the Netherlands, and one of the world's leading voices on BPD across the lifespan.

We cover:
• The 19-year life expectancy gap for people with BPD
• What BPD actually looks like at 70
• The advantage older adults have for recovery
• The ageism in mental health
• How schema therapy and STEPPS are being adapted for older adults
• What 'positive schemas' are and why they matter

And somewhere in the middle, there's a story about a glass of expensive wine in Central Park, a psychologist named Theodore Millen, and how the DSM ended up categorical instead of dimensional.

This is a quiet, profound episode about a population that has been largely invisible in BPD research and public conversation.

If you're 40 or 70, it doesn't really make a difference. It's never too late to heal.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Conjaerts, J. A., Videler, A. C., Schepman, R., Elfeddali, I., Rosowsky, E., & van Alphen, S. P. (2025). Clinical staging for personality disorders in older adults. Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and Neurology, 38(1), 32-43. https://doi.org/10.1177/08919887241254467

Ekiz, E., van Alphen, S. P., Ouwens, M. A., Van de Paar, J., & Videler, A. C. (2023). Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving for borderline personality disorder: A systematic review. Personality and Mental Health, 17(1), 20-39.

https://doi.org/10.1002/pmh.1558

Khasho, D. A., Van Alphen, S. P. J., Heijnen-Kohl, S. M. J., Ouwens, M. A., Arntz, A., & Videler, A. C. (2019). The effectiveness of individual schema therapy in older adults with borderline personality disorder: Protocol of a multiple-baseline study. Contemporary clinical trials communications, 14, 100330. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.conctc.2019.100330

van Donzel, L., Ouwens, M. A., van Alphen, S. P., Bouwmeester, S., Bachrach, N., & Videler, A. C. (2025). Integrating positive schemas in schema therapy for Cluster C personality disorders in older adults: A multiple baseline study. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 32(4), e70121.

https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.70121

Videler, A. C., Hutsebaut, J., Schulkens, J. E., Sobczak, S., & Van Alphen, S. P. (2019). A life span perspective on borderline personality disorder. Current psychiatry reports, 21(7), 51. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-019-1040-1

Videler, A. A., van Royen, R. R., & van Alphen, S. B. (2012). Schema therapy with older adults: call for evidence. International Psychogeriatrics, 24(7), 1186-1187. Doi:10.1017/S1041610211002638

PersonaCura: https://ggzbreburg.nl/over-ggz-breburg/voorloper-in-de-ggz/topklinische-ggz/personacura

Make Therapy Simple Again Article: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340081785_Make_therapy_simple_again

What if the most effective framework for BPD recovery was written by a former slave and a Roman emperor over 2,000 years ago?

This episode is about Stoicism. Not the pop culture version that means suppressing your feelings and pretending nothing hurts, but the real thing. A practical, rigorous system of thought that maps onto what people with BPD struggle with most.

The impulsivity. The fear of abandonment. The catastrophic interpretations. The feeling of being a slave to your emotions.

I go through ten Stoic principles, each one mapped directly to the BPD experience, grounded in neuroscience. Because this isn't just philosophy. CBT was directly influenced by Stoic thought. DBT was built on CBT. Which means there's a direct line from Epictetus in the first century AD to the skills your therapist may have walked you through last week.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Aziz, A. (2025). The Application of Stoic Philosophy to Modern Emotional Regulation.

Denny, B. T., Lopez, R. B., Wu-Chung, E. L., Dicker, E. E., Goodson, P. N., Fan, J., ... & Koenigsberg, H. W. (2024). Training in cognitive reappraisal normalizes whole-brain indices of emotion regulation in borderline personality disorder. Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging, 9(8), 819-826. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bpsc.2024.03.007

Zetsche, U., Bürkner, P. C., Bohländer, J., Renneberg, B., Roepke, S., & Schulze, L. (2024). Daily emotion regulation in major depression and borderline personality disorder. Clinical Psychological Science, 12(1), 161-170. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702623116070

Stoic Primary Texts (all public domain)

Epictetus. The Enchiridion.

Marcus Aurelius. Meditations.

Seneca. Letters from a Stoic.

Further Reading

Robertson, D. How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius.

Robertson, D. Stoicism and the Art of Happiness.

Holiday, R. The Obstacle is the Way.

Waltman, S. The Stoicism Workbook.

99% of people with BPD who die by suicide sought help in the year before their death. 88% in the last six weeks.

They were going to the right places - emergency departments, GPs, crisis services. The system failed them.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Jillian Broadbear, researcher at Spectrum, Australia's leading personality disorder service, to ask the hard questions.

She talks about why men are being left behind, what the suicide data actually says, and why self-compassion might be the unexpected key to recovery.

Plus, Dr. Broadbear shares an exclusive: Spectrum's new trial using MDMA-assisted therapy for people with BPD and complex trauma - a world-first that could change everything.

For anyone who's ever felt invisible, misunderstood, or like giving up. This one's for you.

"There are a lot of people who care. Don't give up. You are worth it." - Dr. Jillian Broadbear

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Broadbear, J. H., Bhagwandas, M. G., Crowley, S., Cheney, L., & Rao, S. (2025). Exploring the pathways to diagnosis for men with borderline personality disorder: A qualitative study. International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, 34(1), e13413. ⁠https://doi.org/10.1111/inm.13413Digital Object Identifier (DOI)⁠

Broadbear, J. H., Dwyer, J., Bugeja, L., & Rao, S. (2020). Coroners’ investigations of suicide in Australia: The hidden toll of borderline personality disorder. Journal of psychiatric research, 129, 241-249.⁠10.1016/j.jpsychires.2020.07.007⁠

Donald, F., Lawrence, K. A., Broadbear, J. H., & Rao, S. (2019). An exploration of self-compassion and self-criticism in the context of personal recovery from borderline personality disorder. Australasian Psychiatry, 27(1), 56-59.

🔗 Links:

Spectrum Personality Disorder Service: ⁠⁠spectrumbpd.com.au⁠⁠

Spectrum Annual Research Forum - November 6th, free and virtual

You love someone with BPD. But some nights, you lie awake wondering:

• Do they actually love me?
• Am I codependent or just a caring person?
• Is this BPD or emotional abuse?
• Should I stay or should I leave?
• Why do they threaten suicide when I try to leave, and what do I actually do?

These are some the questions partners, parents, and friends of people with BPD ask. Often with guilt. Often with exhaustion. Often without anyone giving them a straight answer.

This episode answers some of the most common questions from loved ones. Not with easy answers, but with honesty and compassion for both sides.

If you've ever felt like you're losing yourself while loving someone with BPD, this one is for you.

[This is the second episode in my BPD Awareness Month series. You don't need to have heard Episode 1 to understand this one.]

Family Connections: https://sashbear.org/family-connections/

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

It's BPD Awareness Month. So I am doing something different.

I keep seeing the same questions. Asked at 2am. Asked through tears. Asked by people who are exhausted, confused, and just want an honest answer.

This episode answers 10 of the most common questions people with BPD actually ask, including:

• Is it BPD or bipolar?

• Why do I react so intensely even when I know better?

• Am I a bad person because of what I've done during episodes?• Are people with BPD manipulative?

• Why do I lie even about small things?

• Why do I feel empty even when things are going okay?

• What is a 'favorite person' and why does it hurt so much?

• Why do I keep splitting on people I love and how do I stop?

• Can I ever have a normal relationship?

• Can I recover without DBT?

I'm not just answering them. I'm showing you how to ask them better, because the way you ask a question changes what you can find.

And at the end: a bonus question that almost no one is asking. The one that might matter more than all the others.

This is for anyone with BPD who is tired of feeling like a problem to be solved and is ready to start building something worth living for.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

In this episode, we explore what it means to receive a BPD diagnosis later in life. Why it happens so often, what the latest research tells us about BPD across the lifespan, and why healing is never too late.

Whether you're newly diagnosed, still searching for answers, or supporting someone you love, this one's for you.

It's never too late to be understood.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Broadbear, J. H., Bhagwandas, M. G., Crowley, S., Cheney, L., & Rao, S. (2025). Exploring the Pathways to Diagnosis for Men With Borderline Personality Disorder: A Qualitative Study. International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, 34(1). https://doi.org/10.1111/inm.13413

Ekiz, E., van Alphen, S. P., Ouwens, M. A., & Videler, A. C. (2026). Managing Emotional Intensity Difficulties in Older Adults With Personality Disorders: A Proof-of-Concept Study. Journal of Clinical Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.70090

Hill, R. (2005). End-of-life care for the patient with borderline personality disorder. Journal of Hospice & Palliative Nursing, 7(3), 150–161.

Jo, R., Broadbear, J. H., Hope, J., & Rao, S. (2023). Late manifestation of borderline personality disorder: Characterization of an under-recognized phenomenon. Personality and Mental Health, 17(2), 165–175. https://doi.org/10.1002/pmh.1571

Khasho, D. A., Van Alphen, S. P. J., Heijnen-Kohl, S. M. J., Ouwens, M. A., Arntz, A., & Videler, A. C. (2019). The effectiveness of individual schema therapy in older adults with borderline personality disorder: Protocol of a multiple-baseline study. Contemporary Clinical Trials Communications, 14, 100330. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.conctc.2019.100330

Kjaer, J. N., Biskin, R., Vestergaard, C. H., & Munk-Jorgensen, P. (2015). A nationwide study of mortality in patients with borderline personality disorder. European Psychiatry, 30(S1), 1–1. doi:10.1016/S0924-9338(15)30162-0

Lynch, T. R., et al. (2007). Dialectical behavior therapy for depressed older adults: A randomized pilot study. American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, 15(5), 383–393.

Rexand-Galais, F., Pithon, L., & Le Goff, J. (2021). Assessment of borderline personality disorder in geriatric institutions. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 629571. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.629571

Stiles, C., Batchelor, R., Gumley, A., & Gajwani, R. (2023). Experiences of stigma and discrimination in borderline personality disorder: A systematic review and qualitative meta-synthesis. Journal of Personality Disorders, 37(2), 177–194. https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi.2023.37.2.177

Videler, A. C., et al. (2020). Schema therapy for personality disorders in older adults. Aging & Mental Health, 24(1), 119–126.

Zanarini, M. C., Frankenburg, F. R., Hennen, J., Reich, D. B., & Silk, K. R. (2005). The McLean Study of Adult Development (MSAD): Overview and implications of the first six years of prospective follow-up. Journal of Personality Disorders, 19(5), 505–523. https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi.2005.19.5.505

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What if your emotional pain was invisible , even to the people closest to you?

In this episode, we explore Quiet BPD: the presentation of Borderline Personality Disorder where the storm rages entirely on the inside. No outbursts. No visible chaos. Just a carefully maintained exterior while everything underneath is burning.

We cover what Quiet BPD actually is (and what the research says), why it's so often misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, or even autism, and what daily life looks like for people who've learned to turn their pain inward rather than outward.

If you've ever felt like you were performing "fine" while privately falling apart, this episode was made for you.

Topics covered: internalizing vs. externalizing BPD, shame & self-blame, misdiagnosis, treatment options including DBT & IFS, advice for loved ones

Your struggle is valid , whether it's loud or quiet.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT, Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Book:⁠The Complete Guide to Quiet BPD by Paul Fabunni Meredith⁠

Centres for Health and Healing Ontario. (2025). Living with Quiet BPD: Signs, Triggers, and Coping Strategies. Retrieved from: https://cfhh.ca/blog/living-with-quiet-bpd-signs-triggers-coping-strategies/

Higgins, H. M. (2025). The Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder: Understanding and Thriving with Internalized EUPD/BPD.

Lenzenweger, M. F., Lane, M. C., Loranger, A. W., & Kessler, R. C. (2007). DSM-IV personality disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biological psychiatry, 62(6), 553-564. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2006.09.019

Lo, I. (2021). The struggles of quiet BPD. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/202107/the-struggles-quiet-bpd

Millon, T. (2011). Disorders of personality: Introducing a DSM/ICD spectrum from normal to abnormal. John Wiley & Sons.

Stoffers-Winterling, J. M., Storebø, O. J., Kongerslev, M. T., Faltinsen, E., Todorovac, A., Jørgensen, M. S., ... & Simonsen, E. (2022). Psychotherapies for borderline personality disorder: a focused systematic review and meta-analysis. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 221(3), 538-552. doi:10.1192/bjp.2021.204

Wolf, K., Scharoba, J., Noack, R., Keller, A., & Weidner, K. (2023). Subtypes of borderline personality disorder in a day-clinic setting—Clinical and therapeutic differences. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 14(5), 555.