This week on Delusional Witch Juice, I discuss why August 12 is being called cosmic chaos—and whether somebody actually left the Lion’s Gate Portal open. From a six-planet parade and New Moon in Leo to a total solar eclipse and perfectly timed Perseid meteor shower, the celestial guest list is much messier than the internet claims. Plus ancient Mesopotamian substitute kings, the gardener who inherited a throne after the real king died from hot soup, the fiery Tears of Saint Lawrence, and what people in the Midwest can actually see in the sky.

CHAPTERS

00:00 August 12th Has Entered the Group Chat
02:07 The Official Cosmic Guest List
04:37 The Planet Parade: Before Sunrise
07:30 The Main Event: Total Solar Eclipse
09:58 Someone Is Going to Die
13:15 Enter the Perseids
16:29 Why the 2026 Perseids Are Special
18:23 So What Is Actually Happening?
20:23 Thank Yous

SOURCES & FURTHER READING

The August 12 Cosmic Events

• NASA — August 2026 Skywatching Guide
• International Meteor Organization — 2026 Meteor Shower Calendar
• NASA — Notable Astronomical Events of 2026

The Planet Parade

• August 12 Planetary Alignment Guide
• Visible Planets in August 2026

The New Moon & Solar Eclipse

• NASA — August 12, 2026 Eclipse Data
• NASA — Interactive Eclipse Map
• New Moon and Solar Eclipse at 20° Leo
• Eclipses Visible from St. Louis

Eclipse Omens & Substitute Kings

• The Metropolitan Museum of Art — The Solar Eclipse and the Substitute King

The Perseids & Comet Swift–Tuttle

• NASA — The Perseid Meteor Shower
• NASA — Comet 109P/Swift–Tuttle
• National Geographic — The Grisly Origin Story Behind the Perseids

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