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It's the one where I go abroad — or at least, where I roast the very British way we all go abroad. This week I'm covering three national holiday traditions we refuse to admit are unhinged: the 6:47am sunlounger stakeout (towel down, book on top, straight back to bed), the astonishing British ability to fly four hours to Spain and still order egg and chips at a pub called The Red Lion, and the deeply held belief that any language barrier can be solved not with a phrasebook, but with volume.

Sunburn, baked beans imported specifically to keep resort pubs stocked, and "DO. YOU. HAVE. A. TABLE. FOR. FOUR." — delivered slower and louder like the problem was never the language. Three verdicts, one very British holiday, and me promising I won't become "Terry-with-a-towel" next week. (I will.)

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Am I out of touch? You tell me.

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Somewhere along the way, trainers became an "appreciating asset," heels became optional, and a boating shoe designed to be hosed down after gutting a fish became a six-billion-pound company with a queue outside it. This week I go sole searching (sorry) through three decades of British footwear, from the door policy at a nightclub called Envy to a very unscientific twenty-minute stakeout outside a coffee shop, to work out what we actually lost when we swapped heels for comfort — and what on earth Crocs are trying to prove.

Trainers as investment vehicles. The death of the going-out top. And the truth about individuality when fourteen women in a row are all wearing the exact same "unique" shoe.

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Men. Their heads. Their faces. What is happening. This week's episode is a deep dive into modern male grooming chaos: the baseball cap that never comes off — not at dinner, not at a wedding, not even for the vows — the mysterious disappearance of the plain old clean shave in favor of a "strategic stubble" that somehow takes more effort than shaving, and the wild transformation of beard maintenance from "dad with the kitchen scissors" into a nine-step regime involving beard shampoo, beard balm, and — brace yourself — a heated beard straightener. There's a word called "beardruff" now. We didn't ask for it, but here we are.

By the end, there's even a grudging moment of sympathy buried under all the jojoba oil. Verdicts are delivered. Terry is called out by name. Multiple times.

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If you enjoyed the episode, go to my website and access the back catalogue at https://amioutoftouch.buzzsprout.com