In this episode, Roy and Catherine take on the question of who gets to define you. Catherine says nobody does. She tells the story of a marketing coach who gave her good challenges but tried to tell her who she had to be to win clients, and why that never sat right. She explains how every time she looked to someone else to tell her who she is, it backfired, and the only definition that has worked is the one she finds by going inside herself, sometimes as a feeling or a colour rather than words. Roy shares a similar experience of being told how to come across to attract coaching clients, and why he refuses to do it if it is not him. He talks about parents trying to mould you, how his mother was right about more than he gave her credit for, and how he takes feedback on board without letting it define him. He is happy with who he is, but never complacent, and is always working to be a better version of himself. They agree you can listen to other people’s points of view without having to conform to them, and ask listeners to share their own answer.

Timestamps 0:02 — Welcome & today’s question: who gets to define you? 0:18 — Catherine: the coach who tried to define her, and defining yourself from the inside 2:45 — Roy: being told how to come across, his mother’s influence, and always improving 4:28 — Listening to others without conforming 4:34 — Closing thoughts and sign-off

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