What should you do when you are publicly snubbed, excluded from Who's Who, caught embellishing your ancestry or unexpectedly confronted by a flying saucer? Fortunately, J. P. Donleavy has provided the definitive guide. First published in 1975, The Unexpurgated Code is a gloriously improper manual of survival and manners for social climbers, elegant impostors, wounded underdogs and anyone attempting to navigate the absurdities of civilized life. Across hundreds of indispensable lessons, Donleavy dispenses fearless advice on improving your accent, choosing the correct neighbours, surviving disastrous parties, behaving at funerals, confronting the rich and powerful, and preserving one's dignity during even the most unlikely personal catastrophe. Savage, anarchic and breathtakingly funny, this is etiquette stripped of good taste and human behaviour exposed in all its vanity, desperation and ridiculousness. Beneath the outrageous observations lies an unmistakable truth: everyone is bluffing, everyone is vulnerable, and almost any humiliation can be survived with the right phrase, the proper attire and sufficient haughty particularity. Rediscovered and celebrated by The New York Times fifty years after its original publication, The Unexpurgated Code remains an exhilarating comic tonic for anyone who has ever felt ignored, judged, excluded or comprehensively defeated by reality. This complete audiobook is performed by the incomparable Simon Callow, the Olivier Award-winning actor, director and author known for his commanding work across stage and screen, including Amadeus, A Room with a View and Four Weddings and a Funeral. With his magnificent voice, theatrical precision and instinctive command of language, Callow transforms Donleavy's outrageous commandments into a virtuoso performance of wit, pomposity, indignation and beautifully controlled chaos. A delightfully unclassifiable work of comic genius from the bestselling author of 'The Ginger Man'. Not recommended for the easily offended. Indispensable for everyone else.