ABOUT THE EPISODE:

You did it the way we practice it. You listened, you validated, you said the compassionate and true thing, and then named your boundary. Your kid looked at you like you had never understood them a day in their life. “You’re selfish. You just want to control me.” And there you are, feeling that familiar pull to explain it one more time, in different words, until they finally get it.

Seven years into the podcast and The Stream, how to set and hold a boundary is still the question I hear more than any other. So this week it is just you and me, talking about the part that so often goes missing, which is the moment right after you say it.

I share a few tools you can tuck into your back pocket, including one with a name that might make you laugh, a visualization that keeps you from playing verbal pickleball with your kid, and a line from a trial lawyer that has become one of my all time favorites. There are scripts too, including one for the holiday plans that are probably already humming in the back of your mind.

We also talk honestly about safety, because confidence looks very different when your child is escalating. And I tell you about the day I went to an ATM to help my son pay back a dealer, knowing in my gut it was not the true story.

If you have caved before, you have not erased your progress. Confidence tends to show up after the practice, not before it, and the first change you notice will most likely be in you.

If you are tired of defending a decision you already know is right, this one is for you.

YOU’LL LEARN:

• The small word in the middle of your sentence that quietly cancels out your empathy
• A three step way to name a boundary without opening a negotiation
• What to do with your kid’s words while they are still talking
• The one sentence I want you to get comfortable saying when your child is upset
• What to say when you gave in last time and want to go back to your original answer

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Surprising Power of Non-Reactivity When Your Child Is Struggling, with Cathy Cioth
• Brook McKenzie on Hopestream episode 342
• You’re Waiting On You by Brook McKenzie
• The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org
• The Stream, free two-week trial: https://hopestreamcommunity.org/try
• Worried Sick free ebook: https://hopestreamcommunity.org/worried

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
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Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

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