This is the chapter about self-sabotage. Ten years ago I wrote it using food and diets as the example because nearly every woman I've ever worked with recognises herself in it. The Monday morning that starts with the best intentions and ends with a bottle of wine and a family bag of crisps by Friday.

Ten years on, I'd add this: self-sabotage isn't a character flaw. It's an old protection strategy that's outlived its usefulness. Your body was trying to keep you safe. It just doesn't know the danger has passed.

For the first-born daughters, the fixers, the ones who hold everything together, self-sabotage often shows up as running yourself into the ground and then reaching for the quick fix. Food. Wine. A scroll. A shop. Anything to take the edge off.

In my 2026 reflections at the end of this chapter, I talk about why you can't think your way out of self-sabotage when your nervous system is in fight-or-flight. Regulation first, then the patterns can shift.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

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