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It's the one where I go abroad — or at least, where I roast the very British way we all go abroad. This week I'm covering three national holiday traditions we refuse to admit are unhinged: the 6:47am sunlounger stakeout (towel down, book on top, straight back to bed), the astonishing British ability to fly four hours to Spain and still order egg and chips at a pub called The Red Lion, and the deeply held belief that any language barrier can be solved not with a phrasebook, but with volume.

Sunburn, baked beans imported specifically to keep resort pubs stocked, and "DO. YOU. HAVE. A. TABLE. FOR. FOUR." — delivered slower and louder like the problem was never the language. Three verdicts, one very British holiday, and me promising I won't become "Terry-with-a-towel" next week. (I will.)

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