119. From Survival to Self-Respect: Jason Van Ruler on Healing Old Patterns copertina

119. From Survival to Self-Respect: Jason Van Ruler on Healing Old Patterns

119. From Survival to Self-Respect: Jason Van Ruler on Healing Old Patterns

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 In this episode of What's the Point?, I sit down with Jason Van Ruler for an honest conversation about healing, responsibility, and the quiet work of becoming someone you can respect. Jason shares parts of his story that began in instability—growing up in a chaotic environment, learning early how to survive, and internalizing beliefs about worth that followed him into adulthood. Like many of us, he found himself repeating familiar patterns, even when they no longer served him. We talk about the turning point that came when Jason realized that awareness alone wasn't enough. Wanting change didn't automatically create it. That moment forced a deeper question: What does it actually take to become the person you want to be? Jason reflects on the small but powerful steps that helped him rebuild—from learning to tolerate the person in the mirror, to counting small wins, to seeking the right kind of help. He explains the difference between avoiding pain and doing the work, and why true growth requires honesty, ownership, and support. Our conversation also explores how healing shapes leadership, relationships, and purpose. Jason challenges the idea that success alone defines a meaningful life, arguing instead that who we become—and how we show up for others—matters far more than what we achieve. This episode is a human story of growth. It's about discovering what matters when old narratives fall apart, finding meaning through responsibility, and understanding that purpose isn't something we stumble into—it's something we build, one choice at a time. What's The Point? is a podcast hosted by Bill Ellis featuring real conversations with people who've figured out what matters – their purpose. Each episode explores what motivates them and how they find meaning in what they do. Connect with Bill: bill@billellis.com www.billellis.comwww.brandingforresults.comIG - @wcellisFacebook - @CoachBillEllisFacebook - @bill.ellis LinkedIn - linkedin.com/in/wcellisBook: Women Who Won Links for This Episode: CONTACT INFO: Name Jason VanRulerEmail jason@jasonvr.comWebsite Jason VanRuler | Therapist, Coach, Speaker, and Author SOCIAL MEDIA INFO: LinkedIn Jason VanRuler, LPC-MH, LMHC, CSAT-S | LinkedInhttps://www.instagram.com/jason.vanrulerhttps://www.facebook.com/thejasonvanruler/Book: Get Past Your Past: How Facing Your Broken Places Leads to True Connection: VanRuler, Jason, Bob Goff: 9780310367413: Amazon.com: BooksUpcoming book: Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships - Kindle edition by VanRuler, Jason. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com. Quick Episode Summary: 00:00 – Welcome + Introducing Jason Van Ruler01:00 – Why Jason hopes people feel hope when they encounter his work02:15 – Growing up in Sioux Falls and the impact of early instability03:40 – How childhood chaos shapes identity and self-worth05:00 – Finding refuge and safety in books06:20 – Early exposure to personal development tapes and hope07:40 – Leaving home at 18 and recreating familiar patterns09:00 – Realizing adulthood requires personal responsibility10:00 – The mirror moment at rock bottom11:20 – Learning to like the person staring back12:45 – Counting small victories and rebuilding confidence14:00 – Leaving recruiting to pursue therapy15:20 – Why wanting change isn't enough17:00 – Doing the work yourself before guiding others18:30 – Therapy vs. coaching: looking back and moving forward20:30 – Jason's personal support system: therapist, coach, spiritual guide22:10 – Taking ownership of your direction24:00 – Why success doesn't always equal happiness26:00 – Redefining success and purpose27:30 – Relationships as our true legacy29:00 – Moving from self-loathing to self-acceptance31:00 – Finding the right help and building trust33:00 – What Jason wishes he'd known earlier in life35:00 – Get Past Your Past and choosing credible guidance37:00 – Understanding needs vs. wants in relationships39:00 – Showing up differently as a husband and father41:00 – Jason's upcoming book on communication styles43:00 – Daily habits and practices for stability45:00 – What people are really searching for46:30 – Rethinking purpose as broader than one role47:30 – Jason answers: "What's the point?"48:45 – Closing reflections and gratitude
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